(Heavy)Weight

From my internal perspective, i.e. seeing things through my eyes, I am an average kinda bloke, not George Clooney, but not Peter Beardsley either. As far as my weigh goes, in my head I’m probably about 16 stone… until I see my reflection in a window or mirror, or my image in a photo…
Currently I am over 21 stone… That. Isn’t. Good….

Why am I this weight?

2 reasons I guess… I eat too much and I exercise too little.
Simple solution right? Swap those two around and I’ll be a waif in no time!
If only it was so simple.
Having suffered with depression and anxiety since 2015, I’ve found my feel good thing was to eat… I love food, and drink, and without it I am miserable, I wish I didn’t enjoy it! I know people who eat just because they have to, i.e. if they didn’t eat they would die, they take no pleasure from eating, it is a purely functional thing to provide fuel to keep their internal motors running.

With exercise, it’s a physical barrier I face, a catch 22 situation. I am limited as to how much and what sort of exercise I can do due to the osteoarthritis in my knees… if you know me, then you must know that I have dodgy knees… I have probably mentioned them! In fact I’m bored of talking about them, it seems to define me… if someone hasn’t seen me in a while, the first question is ‘how are your knees?’ or ‘Have you had a knee operation yet?’… I am truly bored of speaking about them.
The knee situation is most definitely a contributing factor to the depression (there have been times when I could cut my legs off, or smash my knees with a hammer, just to get something done with them).
Any weight bearing exercise is out of it, even just walking it a struggle… if I go in to the office in London, I probably average about 7500 steps, not a lot right? but it’s a lot to me, if I do that, then the next day I struggle to walk, and working at home I struggle to register 1000 steps.
Add to that the injury I obtained in the car crash in January 2017, although not entirely diagnosed, it is an issue with nerves in my hip, and standing or walking for any amount of time makes my left leg go numb, equally if I sit down for too long then the leg goes numb also, although slower.
The catch 22 is that if I could exercise more (and eat less), I would lose weight, and if I lose weight it would be easier on my knees, therefore exercising would be easier and I would lose more weight etc.

I’m working on it! I have to… for my own sake, for Sarah and the girls sake… I’m not setting targets or anything, I don’t want to join Fat-fighters or the like, I need to do it on my terms, and I will. I’m 47, and dangerously overweight. Watch this, obesely large, space!